Culture Hacks: Americans in Brazil

I am Brazilian and I have lived in the US for almost 2 years, plus countless trips.  My husband is American and he has been living with me down in Brazil for 5 years now. Such culture exchange has been the topic of many conversations, and these hints were put together to help other Americans out there living and visiting Brazil.

This post was made to help you crack some Brazilian cultural stuff and help you fit in.

The only place I have lived outside of Brazil was the United States. That is why I am comparing and showing some gaps between these cultures specifically. But even though Americans are the target audience, I believe this article can give other nationalities some insights into how we (Brazilians) work. Another critical point to make is that I live in Santa Catarina, south of Brazil. Brazil is huge, the size of an entire continent. That been said, you can imagine how different regions are diverse culturally. So, do not take my words as universal truth, but as things to keep in mind and experiment.

 1) No one listens to voice mail.

Because of the way cellphone companies work in Brazil, being that you pay to listen to your voice mail just as if you were in a call, people do not leave voice messages. People will call you back when they can because there is a missed call or you can send a quick text to tell the person what the call was about. In fact, majority of the people use pre-paid cellphones instead of having a fixed plan. That means that sometimes people will call you and let it ring once, we call that “dar um toque”, and wait for you to call back, because they do not have credits for the call – in Brazil, only the person who calls pays for it (they pay for the full price is what I want to say, as oppose to splitting the call between the caller and the receiver).

(year 2017) – Majority of people have an app called “Whatsapp”. You should really consider using it as well, since it has become the main mean of communication.

 2) Conversation dynamics work REALLY differently. 

Americans asks lots of questions and give brief answers. Brazilians are story tellers, they will tell you a personal story on top of your story. Differences aside, there is no right or wrong, just people trying to connect and show their interest in what the other is telling. I will present an example to make this point a bit clearer.

Americans talking:

Person A: Makes a comment

Person B: Asks a question

Person A: Answers the question and makes a question back (to the group or to the same person)

Person C: Answers the question and makes a question back

And so on.

Example:

Person A: There is a professor who is driving me crazy.

Person B: Oh really? How so?

Person A: I mean, he gives conflicting information and examples to students, and so, last week when we had a test, no one got a good grade. Have you had classes with Mr. _________?

Person C: I haven’t, but I was considering taking one of his classes next quarter… I guess I will look for a different topic. If the whole class is having trouble I bet you could do something about it. Have you talked to administration?

So, the logic is that you continue the conversation by making questions. You give an introduction of a topic and people will ask you questions so that you develop a conversation.

Brazilians talking:

Person A: Tells a brief story.

Person B: Maybe there will be a question, but don’t count on it. There will be a comment on your story and then the person announces a transition to how that story connects to something in their lives. In case there is no connection, the topic will be changed slightly.

Person C: This person is free to make a comment about Person A’s story or Person B’s.

And so on.

Example:

Person A: I have this professor who is driving me crazy. He gives conflicting information and examples to students, and so, last week when we had a test, no one got a good grade.

Person B: Wow, that’s a bummer. Professors really make the difference in affecting whether you end up liking a subject or not. I had a professor in college that I liked so much he influenced the field of specialization that I chose as a career.

Person C: That’s true! But it seems like the ones you remember the most are the bad professors for some reason. There were two teachers I had back in elementary school who I will never forget. Man, some people should not be allowed to teach, since they have no self-control.

Person D: Yeah, that’s why I hate math. I’ve never had a good teacher. What’s your professor’s name (to person A)? We are having a lot of trouble with one of our professors and we are thinking about complaining to the administration, I guess you could do the same.

The logic is that you keep the conversation going by sharing personal stories. The question period of a conversation is understood as looking for a topic to talk about, not the conversation per se.

With these conflicting dynamics, Brazilians might think that Americans are closed up because they are not sharing their personal stories, but what is happening is that they are not going to say what they were not asked (of course there are differences in what is “shareable” or private in each culture. But there are a lot of information that does not get shared because of the dynamics of the conversation and different expectations).

On the contrary, when an American is making a lot of questions to a Brazilian, Brazilians might feel like they are being interrogated and judged, because they do not feel that the conversation is “flowing”, and it resumes to a sequence of questions and short answers.

Main points:

Americans might feel like Brazilians talk too much, share too much of their lives, and are not interested in the American person’s life (because they do not ask many questions).

Brazilians might feel like Americans are very reserved and feel threaten by all the questions.

There is no right nor wrong, really. You can see how both styles can be mixed and matched. Adding some questions sure shows interest. At the same time, it might feel good to choose what you want to share about yourself, without a fixed question.

When talking to each other, here’s what both can keep in mind to do:

Americans – try to share the things that are important to you without being asked.

Brazilians – ask more questions, specially if the American is speaking a lot less than you.

Image source: http://www.daianastoicescu.com/2017/02/do-you-have-awareness-in-conversation/

3) Making plans.

Generally speaking, making plans in Brazil is not really making a plan, it is rather an inclination to do something together, but it is still open to be decided. People are used to ask for confirmation on the day of the “planned” event. For instance: Hey, all set for going out tonight?

It is important to be aware of that so you confirm “plans” before buying tickets to something or buy tons of food and then nobody shows up.

Also, a lot of people are unable to make plans in advance, not even like two weeks. They will tell you: - Sounds good, let’s talk more about it when it gets closer.

Image source: http://taraburner.com/misc/respecting-peoples-time.php

4) Birthday parties

Forget all you learned about birthday rituals if you want to fit in. Okay, maybe not all.

First of all, if you are the birthday person and it is expected of you to provide some sort of party/celebration. People will bug you and ask when/where the party will be or how you will celebrate it.

You can decide that you are not doing anything, but that is almost like not giving a Christmas gift to a person who is close to you. It is one of those moral rules that is not written anywhere. If you are low in money you can ask each person to bring a dish and a drink, but you still should celebrate it somehow. If you invite someone to celebrate your birthday with you that person will understand that you guys are good friends and will try their best to go to it, because it is taken seriously.

Example:

Regular event you invite someone:

YOU: I’m making a BBQ on Saturday, do you want to come hang out?

Person A: Sure, sounds fun. We’ll talk.

When you mention it is your birthday:

YOU: It is my birthday so on Saturday I will make a BBQ to celebrate it. Want to come and hang out?

Person A: Sure, of course! What should I bring?

Main points:

- - It is totally up to the b-day person to plan, organize, and invite people for their b-day. 
  - Being in a surprise birthday party is pretty much the only time you’ll see a Brazilian arrive on time for an event. Of course, I am talking about daily life events and not work-related ones.

- - Everyone likes presents, but your presence is more important. Not as a pretty philosophical thing to say, for real. You better have a great reason not to show up for a b-day party you were invited. Usually, the more people the b-day person invites the less intimate the party will be and the less you need to make an effort to go. Also, as a rule of thumb, if the b-day person provided food and drinks, it is more expected of you to bring a gift. But if you are bringing your own stuff, you are not expected to do so. But hey, as I said, everyone likes presents and you cannot ever go wrong to bring one, even if it is something small and inexpensive.

-  - In the US people might think you are egocentric if you throw a birthday party to yourself. In Brazil people might think you are egocentric because you are waiting for other people to do something for you on your birthday.

-  - Last, but not least, Brazilians CLAP along the happy birthday song and sing lively for 2 full minutes, so much fun.

One of my best birthday parties

 5) People will offer you food all the time, get used to it.

It is polite in Brazil to refuse food when you are visiting someone’s house (except when you actually planned to eat together). We think so because we don’t want the person to go through the trouble of setting up a table or making us anything. Unfortunately, or not, it works as a positive feedback and the house host is never sure if the person is just being polite or he/she really doesn’t want any food. So generally, they will put some food out to make you comfortable to get some if you’d like. Which means that if you really really really do not want any food you need to insist and make it clear, like: I’ve just eaten; I am really full; I really do not want to eat, thanks. Or, eventually you get used to never eating until you are too full before going to someone’s house, since they are going to offer food and insist that you eat some anyways.

  

 6) A sharing community

Brazilians buy bubble gum, they will offer you a piece.

They buy a drink, a juice, a coffee, any drink, they will ask if you want to try it.

They are eating something, they will ask if you want a piece. They tell you it is tasty, they encourage you to have some.

My husband, who is American, when he just moved to Brazil, he used to tell me all the time: Why can’t people take “no” for an answer? I have to keep insisting that I don’t want it or take some so they stop offering it to me.

Now, the cool part is that you can accept it, just mind your bite size! (haha) Let me give you an example of how far this goes. Countless times I have seen  a person only having one piece of bubble gum and saying: Does anyone want bubblegum? It is my last one, if you don’t mind having just a half. A person in the group accepts it and they share halves.

Image source: http://thescienceexplorer.com/technology/scientists-are-using-instagram-monitor-underage-drinking

Here are some other aspects that I have addressed in a different post, related to dancing in clubs, using the toilet, and personal space. Which were my biggest cultural shocks when I just moved to the US:

http://ideariomutante.blogspot.com/2015/04/culture-shock-brazil-x-usa.html

A bet life in Brazil is going to make more sense to you now, hopefully. When living in a different country just remember to clear things up and talk about them when you sense there is a strange atmosphere, there will always be some culture shocks. But aren't they what make us expand our views and grow as a human being?